Giant Googly Eyes
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After you completely lose your mind, don't invent imaginary characters in your head to talk to, just slap a pair of these Giant Googly Eyes on all your major appliances, furniture, cars, or anything that needs an instant personality. The tiny googly eyes found in arts and crafts stores simply aren't large enough to properly personify big objects, but these are massive 7" diameter versions with the same black pupils that wiggle around when you shake them and adhesive backs. They come as pair, but if you want to cyclops something, just use one.