Sunrise / Sunset Simulating Clock

Wouldn't it be nice to awaken gently and naturally before the main alarm jarringly goes off in the morning? The cool new Sunrise / Sunset Simulating Clock automatically connects to, controls and dims almost any incandescent lamp to recreate the natural cues of light that trigger the body's internal clock to sleep or awaken. It uses your existing bedside lamp to simulate real sunrises or sunsets using actual field data of light intensity changes and can be set to deliver over a two hour span or any length in 15-minute increments. It includes all essential alarm clock functionality, including AM/FM radio, dual-alarm times and a snooze button.

This may work for most, but I still need a shotgun blast, a bucket of water to the face, 15 yowling cats, electroshock and a pinch before I even think of opening one eye. Actually, the only alarm that works on me is a ringing telephone.