The Crandle - Jellied Cranberry Sauce from a Can Scented Candle
Forget all the fiery political disagreements, the nonstop button-pushing family melodrama, the know-it-all turkey-cooking advice from the experts, the armchair quarterbacks screaming at the game on TV, the obnoxious whir of an electric carving knife in the background, an entire kid's table of arguing, fighting, and screaming children, the rude dissociated phone-starers taking up space, the fussing vegetarians and vegans, everyone else congregating in the kitchen, wanting to be in the way instead of helping, and a million other potentially problematic, heated issues, because the biggest Thanksgiving Day grievance of all is the battle over which type of cranberry sauce will be on the dining table.
Everyone seems to be just a little too passionate about their preferred form of cranberry sauce, from whole-berry vs. jellied to homemade vs. store-bought in a can. So, as everyone fights, bickers, and wrings their hands endlessly over this yearly overblown cranberry sauce conundrum in the kitchen, retreat to the momentarily quiet dining room, light up this cool new Crandle, and enjoy a few moments of cranberry-scented solitude before the feast begins. While it may look like an upright cylindrical red blob of jellied cranberry sauce lazily plopped from the can (complete with can-shaped ridges) at first glance, it's actually a clever scented candle that smells just like the real thing.
It's perfect for adding a bit of nostalgic flickering candlelit ambiance to the dining room as everyone passes bowls of food around the table, including the bowl of homemade whole-berry cranberry sauce with the can-shaped jellied cranberry sauce disgustingly plopped down in the dead center as a compromise that brought a halt to the war. Of course, after all that squabbling, nobody really ever eats much of it in the end, inevitably. Hmm, it might be wise to remind the jellied cranberry sauce enthusiasts, who seem to prefer food that slides out of a can with a disturbing soft, wet schlurp, not to accidentally eat the cranberry-scented candle, er, Crandle. Gobble! Gobble! 🦃🕯️
