Sh*t! $%#@!&%$! Cellular f*cking phones!
- John McClane (Die Hard With a Vengeance)
Just like checking your guns at the door in the Old West, I think I'm going to start making people check their obnoxious smartphones into this cool new SilentPocket - Cell Phone Silencing Pouch whenever I'm at a restaurant, theater, or just about anywhere anymore. This handy leather pouch effectively blocks all radio signals, so phones cannot receive or send distracting calls, text messages, emails, transmit GPS coordinates, or even access the Internet - including this site.
Just toss the offending cell phone that nobody seems to have any self-control around anymore into the leather pouch, seal it shut with the concealed magnets, and let its embedded nickel and copper particles render it beautifully useless for a rare peaceful moment. It also has a nano silver interior coating that disinfects it too, since these 21st century security blankets are now used just about everywhere horrifying now.
Besides silencing cell phones, it's also great for shielding any RFID object you keep inside it, like passports, credit cards, and other RFID chipped items, to keep paranoid, snooping empires and other corrupt criminals out of your business.